LEARN: Commit By The Spirit – “I’m Not Going Anywhere!”, Pt.2

LEARN! … By the Spirit™ with Jerricia J. Ulmer

“I’m Not Going Anywhere!”, Pt.2

© 2012  Jerricia J. Ulmer, M.Ed.

February 18, 2012

Guess who’s been ring shopping! Oh yes! Needless to say, I’m one happy lady!

After endless hours of online browsing and then a few trips to some local reputable jewelers, I finally narrowed it down to two. The styles I chose were nothing like what I initially thought I wanted. But once I tried them on, they won out over all the others.

One was a very unique design, with custom lace-designed filigree and alternate gold accents in hidden little places. The diamond split shank looked like a pretty little ribbon on my finger topped off by a shiny full carat princess cut bow. Seemingly a most precious gift for a girl. Trust, I was smitten. But I’m preparing for a full woman-sized commitment! So that one got relegated to second place.

The top spot went to a much more radiant contender: a brilliant split band with luminous diamonds racing to the summit of a prominent emerald cut center stone, supported and encircled by even more magnificent carats. Blinging, y’all!

A year ago, I wouldn’t have chosen something I considered so big and flashy. But a year ago, I was not as prepared for such a commitment. As I sat with the certified gemologist and admired all that brilliance in the various angles of light, the mirror, and against the customary black felt, I contemplated and asked myself What do I want my ring to say about my commitment?

Again, it was a very grown-woman’s ring, no doubt about it. The one who wears it has to be sure about what she’s getting into. When I looked at it, it said to me “buy-in”, “ownership”,… It said “I’m not going anywhere!”

Previous relationships now felt like “rentals”. My use of that term bears no reflection on the people who have graced my life and taught me valuable lessons that have prepared me for this moment, but simply my childlike view of the concept of relationships. There was no real investment or maintenance plan. I was ready to dash at the first sign of trouble. I wanted the other person to see me as perfect, only see my good side. And my dreams of a soulmate were somewhat lofty: in my mind, they were relationships that required little work and I could fix any problem the OTHER person had.

Now, I’ve come to realize: 1) I’m not perfect; 2) relationships based on true love heal us all; and 3) true partnerships require dedication and perseverance. We see each other through the ups and downs of life. We see the other person as s/he wants to be and encourage – not push – them accordingly. And most importantly, we should try to show up like Christ everyday in that person’s life, bringing light, love, and grace.

Wow, that’s a big order…. But that’s a big ring! I can rock it. So can you! Commit to being a true partner with love and respect. GOD is using you to show up and show out in her/his life. Dare to out-love each other; the investment is totally worth the return.

Now look at YOUR bling – your ring, your Christ Light, your partner’s Light – and say “I’m not going anywhere!”


3 Responses

  1. Congrats to you.How did you know that this was the person
    how long did it take you to feel that this was the one?
    I am single and have not been in a relationship for a while (not to sure
    why i think my problem is trust)I’m scard to put myself out there
    again i was in a 15 year relationship that went no where we just got
    tired and just became friends.I don’t see them that much but i know
    that if i do i woun’t be mad things happen.But when i think of
    all the people that i had the chance to be with i feel some way that
    i gave my all to this person and got nothing out of it for all those years.
    All the men that come at me now i just say we can be friends because
    i’m scard to try again.
    If i start seeing someone how long should we date before i say I DO?
    What should i try to do to get over this fear of trusting that this won’t happen again?
    tell nexttime my sisters mush love to uall pray for our children futures.

    • Thanks, Denise. I often used to ask that question… It was honestly a prompting by Spirit when we met. Then, over the years, I can see his words and actions have been consistent with me and in all facets of his life. We both showed patience (which wasn’t always easy) and steady progress.

      His love strengthens me, helps me live more boldly. I see the Christ in him. He loves me sacrificially. We share common values and goals. And I’d rather be with him than anyone else in the world.

      It is often true what they say: you find it when you’re not looking. And, it’s certainly better when you feel complete within yourself.

      So Happy “Not” Looking!


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