GIVE by the Spirit — Friends that Know the Song of Your Heart

GIVE! … By the Spirit™ with Dr. Pennie Murray

Friends that Know the Song of Your Heart

© Pennie Murray

June 15, 2010

I was in a store the other day, and saw a card that said, “A friend is someone who knows the song to your heart and sings it to you when you forget it.” That phase made me think about how important friends are to a successful, healthy life.

The term friend often takes on different meanings to different people. It will even have different meanings to the same person depending on the situation and need at the time. In spite of its vague and seemingly indefinable quality, social scientists and the like have proven that healthy friendships contribute in important ways to our emotional health and well-being, which starts in early childhood and continuing throughout our adult lives.

Friends help us celebrate when we’ve “knocked it out of the park,” experiencing great success. And like armor, good friends help us deflect when life occasionally hands us a disappointment, and we’re able see setbacks for what they are—temporary. Friends are also critical to our self-nurturing efforts.

However, I’m not sure that we fully understand that before we can attract the friends that will truly aid in our life’s success we have to be a friend to ourselves.

The formula is pretty simple; the more you truly like yourself, the more others will like, and feel comfortable in developing a friendship with you. Most of us are good at liking ourselves from a superficial level, but to adore ourselves, despite our physical flaws, past mistakes and present inabilities, is a real challenge. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again in a different way. If you don’t like yourself from a deep intimate level, then you’ll find it hard to like, and find the gifts in other people.

The more you give yourself permission to accept that it’s not egotistical, conceited or self-centered to have a healthy knowledge that you are an amazing and truly worthwhile person, the more you can help your friends feel special about themselves, and the value you bring to each other’s life. Oh, by the way—being conceited is when you do something in order to convince others that you’re special. The more you fight against feeling self-confident or to deal with the vulnerabilities that make up your uniqueness, the harder others will find it to support and come to your aid when you need them the most.

God NEVER intended for us to be an island in and of ourselves—we need others to fulfill our sense of wholeness. But the key is to first nurture a song within your heart that will allow you to feel free and comfortable about being who you really are. Then nurture a relationship with others whose heart song is in harmony with yours. Because, as you know, there will always be times when your heart gets bogged down and you either forget some of the words to your song or it’s just too painful to sing. That’s when you will need others around you who loved and cared enough about you to learn the words to your heart song, and will sing it to you until you get in harmony again.

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