GIVE: Partnering with Spirit — In Pursuit of Intimacy

GIVE! … By the Spirit™ with Dr. Pennie Murray

In Pursuit of Intimacy

© 2010 Dr. Pennie Murray

I was driving down the highway listening to the radio the other day when a classic song by Chaka Khan came on that took me back to my party days. In the late 70s, this song was the woman’s anthem. Man—when I was in the club and the DJ played this song, like all the other women there, I’d throw up my hands and holla, “HEY!” The name of the song was… That’s right “I’m Every Woman.” We would be singing in unison,

“I’m every woman; it’s all in me. Anything you want done baby; I’ll do it naturally. We would sing even louder when Chaka would sing, “I ain’t braggin’; Cuz I’m the one. Just ask me; Ooh it shall be done. Don’t bother to compare; I got it, I got it—I got it, got it baby. I’m every woman.”

Driving down the highway, head bobbing and reminiscing on my party days, I began to ponder over the lyrics of the song. In all honesty, I used to think the song celebrated a woman’s supreme ability to take on multiple responsibilities and handle multiple expectations without breaking a fingernail. I think many of us brought into the myth that we were—well—invincible. And if our pursuit led us in the wrong direction, with our resilient hearts, regenerating emotions, and temperaments made of steel, we could bounce back unscathed from the emotional injury and pain—willing to pursue intimacy again.

Over the years, it seems as women, we have exhausted ourselves in our efforts to be every woman in a relationship. We’re holding down demanding professional jobs to be good helpmates, being great mothers and extended family members; attentive and supportive spouses or partners; family managers; resourceful financial planners; and stimulating sex partners who live up to the unrealistic imagery depicted in the media. The thought that any one person could meet another’s every desire and expectation is a lofty ambition. But in our effort to be every woman in a relationship, we have little time, energy and love left over for ourselves.

And then we find ourselves plagued with feelings of depression, resentment and bitterness. I can’t begin to tell you how often I’ve resented overextending myself or becoming someone’s doormat all in the pursuit of intimacy. The truth of the matter is, in those years of desiring to be every woman I was driven by my fear of rejection and a desperate need for intimacy—a true sign that my pursuit was motivated by the wrong things.

By the time the song ended that day I realized my thoughts about being every woman had actually evolved. I began to experience an inner warmth from the fact that I now realize it is more important to be consciously involved in an intimate relationship with my spirit self and God, than posturing for the affection, approval and validation of another. I realized the joy that I felt while singing off-key was because the lyrics of the song meant something totally different to me now.

I’m not sure when my mindset changed, but the anthem, I’m every Woman, now held sacred lyrics that celebrated the recognition of the depth of my resourcefulness through the intimate connection I have with God. The lyrics now expressed that in the essences of my spirit, I am eternally connected to the determination, courage, energy and wisdom of the spirits of my ancestors—the many women who triumphed in the pursuit of intimacy before me, because of their bond with God.

How often do you GIVE yourself permission to enthusiastically seek out or pursue intimate moments to connect with your power in God, and all that has been bequeath to you? GIVING yourself permission to indulge in these intimate moments doesn’t mean creating elaborate time-consuming acts or rituals. In fact, the best intimacy is done in the spontaneous five to ten minute moments you take to relate with God. For instance, something as simple as a five-minute song that is actually summoning you to a moment of intimate reflection.

We will never achieve intimacy with another to the level God intended if we don’t also strive for intimacy with Him.

So, the next time you happen to hear Chaka Khan or Whitney Houston singing “I’m every woman—it’s all in me,” throw your hands up and holla “HEY!” because you’re engaging in small gestures of closeness with God that will connect you to all your inner resources, and ultimately GIVE you an advantage in your pursuit for intimacy with another.

Share your spontaneous five to ten minute moments you take to relate with God so someone else can be encouraged.

[About GIVE … By the Spirit™]


2 Responses

  1. thank you for this post…my mother has always said it takes a breath to connect with something bigger than yourself. just a single breath.
    thank you, thank you, thank you for the reminder. 🙂


  2. Really great reminder, Pennie! Instead of “I am every woman” maybe now I’ll just focus during my 5-10 minute meditations today (and every day) on the Great I AM. That’s all I ever need and more than enough…. Hey, I think I’m on to my next post! Thanks for the blessed inspiration. — TME

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